He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Randomize
