one two three fourrrrnication!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
