I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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