That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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