My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We just shotgunned beers for America
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
