oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
