hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
