If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
