Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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