Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
