we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
