On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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