I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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