That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
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