I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
