she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
BRING THE BAGELS
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
