u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
