I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
