i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I could make wine with my vomit
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
