im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's just like the Real World with babies
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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