All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
