well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
