taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
