also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
