No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
