puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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