Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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