Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
