Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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