i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
