I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
