I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's rum buckets o'clock
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
