He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
