I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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