Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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