Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
