Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i think my cat just said my name.
My vagina is officially offended.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
