we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just gift wrapped bread.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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