Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
