okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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