It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
