I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
