OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
