He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
