Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
