is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize