Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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