I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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