Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
