Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize