I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize