also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
