Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
