So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
