Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
