the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
