She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
