We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
