I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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