Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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