I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
