How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
