I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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