No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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