i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize