Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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