They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
