I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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