I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
