I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
